defenitely is not a word

I love him. Definitely. I'm surely scared of saying it out loud. I'm even scared of saying it in my own language. That's me, I have always had my way of spoiling every good chance at happiness I get, and take my word on this, that doesn't happen very often. I have always had a way of making thing go my way too, and this is not gonna be the one and only exception. Saying "I love you" is not gonna be enough, and we both know that. For once in my life, I'm gonna be the one to take a step forward. He knows I love him. Now I have to prove it if I really want this to work.

over-eighties

For hundred of years humankind has been looking for the recipe of immortality. We have not found it yet bur we are getting closer and closer as people are living longer and longer. While science advances, along does medicine; who would tell two thousand years ago that people would live past the century? That the number of people over eighty in our population has grown is a fact. But the real question is, is that something we should be grateful for, or is that something that we should be afraid of? There is no simple answer to that, specially as it can be seen from to clearly different points of view: the elderly's point of view and the society's.

There is one main reason why the increase in the number of elderly people can benefit a society. In the first place, older people are nice and quiet. By this I mean that in a city with more elderly people than twenty-year-olds, vandalism rates would surely be low and there would be a notoriously smaller number of crimes than in an average city. Furthermore, the society wouldn't be the only benefited factor in that equation. The elderly's social lives would be enhanced. They would have more places to go as they would be the most abundant customer, they would meet more people their age, etc.

On the other hand, a society full of old people can carry with it a series of drawbacks. To start with, economy would be severely affected due to the fact that the elderly do not produce since they do not work. Also, they do not consume as much as young people as they stay at home and do not go out much. As for them, I do not see how this could be a disadvantage.

All things considered, even though the increase in life expectancy could certainly be seen as progress, there are some negative aspects that we should pay special attention to. As far as I am concerned, the over-eighties need to have their place in society, not to be the society itself.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous.How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. 
You should stand up for your right to feel your pain”.

J. Morrison

g

Sueña que aún hay esperanzas. 

Que para mí, nada cambió.

Que para mí, tú sigues siendo el mismo.

Dime que aún es posible.

Que yo sigo siendo para ti, lo que fui. 

Piensa que lo nuestro nunca acabó.

Que simplemente nos alejamos.

Que la vida nos da otra oportunidad.

Que la vida nos vuelve a juntar.

                                                                                  Paulina Mönckeberg

i'd like to say we did it for the better of

I just don't want to ever have to miss you again. I love you; I must have said those words over a thousand times, but I didn't know what they meant til the day I met you. Well... maybe not til the they I actually met you. It took me so long to fall in love with you... so many falls, so many mistakes, and tears. It took me so much to love you that I don't even know if I'm in love with you or I`'m in love with the simplicity that things have always had when it comes to us. I don't have to shower, or wear make up. I don't need no skirts or fancy dresses. I don't have to try to make you like me because you already do, and what can be simpler than that?
Until some days ago I believed that you would love me no matter what. You have said that several times, and you have even proved it. Some times everything works so well, and then it just doesn't. Yo seem to change your mind about everything, so suddenly. Don't get me wrong, i don't mind about you changing your mind about things, but I do mind you changing your mind about us, about me. I would love to have the certainty that you're not just gonna wake up tomorrow wanting more, more than I will ever be able to give you.
I bet you say the exact same thing about me, how come we're so similar and so different at the same time?
We shouldn't we having these problems. We have always known how to ignore the important things, and maybe that's what got us here. I don't have a real explanation for what we both feel for each other. I used to think that it was one of those loves that could move mountains, but I'm starting to doubt that. It doesn't matter if we cannot agree on things, cause we have always found a way to make it not matter, to make it go away, to not letting it hurt. But I believe we're running out of strategies now.
We used to make such a great team, what happened to us? We've both made mistakes. I have, and you have too. But we never let those mistakes tear us apart until now. You introduced me to myself, and when you left you took me with you. I wish I could say things are better now, I truly wish I could say we are better off without each other. I can't speak for you, but, as for my self... I want you back.

d

And here I am, a lonely girl who's only friend is this notebook, and, if I'm lucky maybe the pencil will like me too, I think we get along well though. Writing is my only passion and I'm not even good at it.

fascinantemente caótico

El flaco habla y yo me desmorono. No me interesa, no, en lo más mínimo lo que está diciendo. Crátilo y Hermogenes, Wilkins y Borges. Es tan perfecto, tan fascinantemente caótico.

sin más

Luces. No tantas. Se mueven, sí. Se mueven. Hacía tanto ya desde la última vez. No estaba sola esa vez. Me gustaría no estarlo ahora. Sé que va a volver. Estoy segura, de verdad lo estoy. No sé cómo. No sé cuándo. Quiero creer que el "cuándo" se convertirá pronto en "pronto". Sé que va a volver. No sé si volveré. Nunca estuve sola, tan sola. He estado mejor, sí. No lo voy a negar, no. Me gusta estar sola, conmigo, cerca de mi. Es difícil, lo admito. Sé que puedo though. Que es cuestión de costumbre. Que algún día, hopefully no muy lejano, voy a estar bien. Bien, sin más.

cuando tu conejo se convierte en rey de corazones

Juró amarme. Prometió nunca haber siquiera pensado en otra. Me negó todo lo que los demás dijeron. Tanto cariño me mostró que me vi obligada a creer. Tanto fue que me obligué a ponerlo incluso antes que a mis amigos. Elegí creer en él porque era más fácil, dolía menos. Menos doloroso era pensar que el resto mentía, mucho más lo era pensar que él lo hacía. Una vez que podes creer, o crees poderlo hacer, todo se vuelve más fácil. Nada es cuestionable. Si el lo dice, así es! Es ahí, cuando crees ver todo tan claro, cuando de verdad duele. Cuando te bajas de la nubecita. Cuando te das cuenta que no estas en wonderland, ni sos Alice. Cuando tu conejo se convierte en rey de corazones. Suerte que Carroll nos dio al sombrerero.
No todo lo que muerde necesariamente es un lobo, pero todos los lobos necesariamente muerden. En pocas palabras, debe haber sido fácil estar en tu lugar. "Me pintaste el pasto de azul y resultó ser verde.", sabias palabras de algún alguien que solía ser mi amigo. Resulta que tuvo razón todo este tiempo, pero yo no lo quise ver.

vos

Tu voz me saca de mis casillas. Rompe hasta el último átomo de pensamiento lógico que me queda. Suprimís el sentido común de todos mis esquemas. Todo rastro de coherencia desaparece y lo único que queda en mi sos vos.

totally into it...

"Just because you have long hair and are willing to dip it in paint and whip it around, flinging paint everywhere, doesn't mean you should." 
THAT COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER DONE IT, THOSE PEOPLE JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN!! Maybe the mere fact that you can, means you should.

what better than a two-word sentence

Feel like I'm trying too hard. Love him. Want him. Probably in love. Don't know. Confusion. Want something else. Want someone else. Settling. Don't want to. Hate him. Hate me. Can't live without. Him. Try to concentrate. Impossible. Want more. Want him. Want to end it. Want to start something new. Want to meet someone. Won't. Settle. Not good. Not going anywhere. Need to end it. Told me he loved me. Couldn't answer back. Not sure. Of anything. Need rewinding. Need  Ø.

untitled

No importa cuántas recursos tengas, nunca serán suficientes si no sabes cómo utilizarlos. 

células, tsunamis, veintiséis

Por alguna razón, en mi más fiero interno, todavía creía que sería para siempre. Estúpidamente ingenua. Creí en todo lo que me dijiste. Te hice mi verdad absoluta. "Las torres más altas caen con más pesada caída" dijo ciertamente Horacio. Fue así como encontrándome en la cima, sin errar al decir que bastaba ponerme de puntillas para tocar el cielo, caí. Todo lo que creía certero se volvió incierto. Jamás me sentí tan desesperanzada, tan descaradamente engañada. El viento sopla y sé que no va a volver. Todo lo que alguna vez fue bueno no va a volver. Todo lo que ya no es.
Superfluo sería decir que no lo quiero de vuelta. Sé que no está. Sé que no lo quiero. Sé que cada célula de mi cerebro lo rechaza a cada minuto, todos y cada uno de los organelos de mis neuronas están de acuerdo en algo: no lo quieren cerca. Mi corazón, por otra parte, parece obstinado a aferrarse a la idea de que lo necesito. Y no está solo, por supuesto, lo acompañan mis pulmones, el hígado, el páncreas, el estómago y hasta la última célula ósea de mi cuerpo, si es que eso siquiera existe. Por eso odio la biología, nunca de mi lado. Desde los tsunamis estomacales hasta los terremotos mentales, no me es posible traer a la mente una sola vez desde aquel pasado veintiséis de julio que se acerca, en que mi anatomía no me haya jugado una mala pasada al verte.

i aint givin up on you

fácil dicen

Es fácil, muy fácil. Y si no es fácil, lo hacemos fácil; o te quiero o no te quiero. Quererte, no quiero. No quererte, quisiera. Quererte hace mal, y ojalá pudiera! Tenerte es cosa aparte. Tenerte de nada sirve sin quererte. Quererte de nada sirve sin tenerte. Y hoy, te quiero, te tengo, y no puedo. Tenerte y no quererte, ¡vaya solución sería! Pero te quiero, más de lo que te tengo. Ojalá pudiera, y digo ojalá porque sé que no puedo, no quererte, ni tenerte. Maldita la razón cual sea que me hace quererte así. Maldita tu boca. Malditas tus manías. Maldita tu enfermiza perfección. Maldito vos por quererme tanto. ¡Maldito todo lo que te hace mejor que yo! Maldita yo por quererte tanto... es que tanto te quiero que no estaría mal decir que te amo.

to know or not to know

I don't know, I truely don't know. I guess I just don't care enough to try to know. I know a lot of things, but I don't know this one. I actually don't like not knowing stuff, it gets on my nervs. So I try to know, I try to find out... but not this time. This time, I'm not even interested. The only thing I'm sure of, is the fact that I like you. I don't know when, where, or even why. That's right: I don't know why I like you this much, but I know I do. And I also know that there's nothing I can ever do to change that. Or even you, or anybody else.

No sé por qué te quiero tanto. Literally, no lo sé. No tengo razones. Lo único que conozco de vos son tus gustos musicales. Me resulta imposible entender cómo después de cuatro meses juntos no logramos llegar a conocernos en lo más mínimo. Me gusta cómo te reís y cómo hablas. Me fascina el espacio entre tus dientes. Me gusta que hagas divertido hasta lo más aburrido. Me gusto yo cuando estoy con vos.