I don't have it, I want it. I have it, I don't want it.

 I know it's wrong, but I just want him so badly, i'm not sure I will be able to make it through hurtless. He's utopic, he's just perfect. Perfect is all he is. You know what they say... ''Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder'', well... I'm the clearest example ever known. I know he's not cute or anything, but I just can't resist him. No need to say it has never happend to me before, the way I feel about him, is not usual, at all. I'm always the cold one, the one that never falls in love. The one with no feelings, no heart, no anything. And now everything's turned around, my world is upside down, and i'm not sure I will be able to make it go back to the way it was before. Ironic, ah? I never liked anyone as much as I like him, and he doesn't. Yup, maybe ironic is not the right word, sad would be a better one.


I wrote that seven months ago... back then, I didn't have him. The way I felt about him those days... I've never felt like that about anyone, never before. He was totally out of my reach, or that I thought. He had a girlfriend, and he was too perfect. We made out, and I thought that making out was as far as it could go, fortunately, I was wrong. Now, seven months later... He's still got a girlfriend, just not the same one. Making out just wasn't enough... neither for me nor for him. We needed more, we need to be certain that we loved each other; we needed to be together. So that was what we did, he left her, and he is with me now. 
Everything I wrote seven months ago was true, back then. But it's all gone now. Now that I have him, now that I'm sure he loves me, now that I am supposed to love him even more than seven months ago... I don't. It's easy: it's psicological crap. The thing is, I don't know what to do now. I don't like him as much as I did when we first started, and I know it's unfair for both of us to keep going out without loving him. But because of the "I don't have it, I want it. I have it, I don't want it." shit, I know that once I break up with him I will start thinking about him the way I did seven months ago. It's easy: I won't have him so I'll want him. I'll want him so I'll get him, but once I get him, I won't want him any more. Yup, maybe it's not that easy.