I wonder.
Every day I wonder.
For so long I've wondered.
I wonder what, when, why, wether I should, wether I shouldn't.
I wonder what if. What if I hadn't left? What if had come back? What if I had said what I needed when I needed it?
I wonder if I still can, if I still should. I wonder if I would be doing it for me, or you.
I wonder wether I should let go, or hold on. I would like to stop wondering. But is there something that would make me stop wondering?
Any road you take, you wonder, should you have taken another?
And I'm content with the roads taken, the choices made. But I can't help wondering. What if I had come back?
I wonder if I could ask you, do you wonder? I know the answer. I'm sure of it. And still, the doubt, the uncertainty, indeed the wondering... it's always there.
Every day I wonder. Because every day is a reminder of the choice made. And every day, the posibility of that day being different hunts me in the form of wondering.
Every day something makes me think of you, and me, and the fact that there is no you and me. Every choice I make that leads me further from that hipothetical you and me, still hurts. The hipothetical you and me hurts deeper than the actual non-existing you and me. Everything that could have been, everything that could have happened, the children, the house, the life we could have had. The life that I'm about to chose to share with someone else.
And so at 02:15 wondering keeps me awake. Do you wonder?
